The Mandate to Work and Keep
In Genesis 2:15, we read, “The Lord God took the man [Adam] and put him in the garden of Eden to work it and keep it.”
As we study the roles and responsibilities of men, we continually return to this verse because it implies more than Adam’s obligation to tend a garden. This mandate, first given to Adam, extends to all mankind. We see this clearly when we turn to Genesis 9 and find the Lord giving the same charge to Noah after the flood. The language differs, but the same calling given to Adam was given again to Noah and his family. It is a perpetual mandate that did not end in Eden.
When God commanded Adam to “work it and keep it,” he also meant more than gardening. Adam was to cultivate and guard everything placed under his stewardship, including his wife and family.
Extending the Mandate to Fatherhood
We might ask, “How does one ‘work and keep’ his family? Aren’t these terms better suited for agriculture?”
The word work means to cultivate or nurture; keep means to guard or protect. While these terms fit a gardener’s task, they also describe the calling of a father. The apostle Paul seems to echo this same twofold mandate when he writes to fathers about raising their children.
In Ephesians 6:4, Paul says, “Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.” Here we see both aspects of the masculine mandate—the protective “do not provoke” and the nurturing “bring them up.” Fathers work by bringing up their children in the discipline and instruction of the Lord, and they keep by avoiding the kind of provocation that leads to anger. In both ways, we follow Adam’s original charge to work and keep what God has entrusted to us.
Paul repeats this thought in Colossians 3:21: “Fathers, do not provoke your children, lest they become discouraged.” Together, these verses show that the masculine mandate extends far beyond Adam or the garden. It applies to men today in our vocations, in marriage, and in fatherhood.
Notice Paul’s address. He writes, “Fathers,” not mothers, not teachers, not the broader community. While others share in the work, Scripture places the primary responsibility of raising children to know and follow the Lord squarely on the shoulders of fathers.
Reaching the Hearts of Our Children
What exactly are fathers commissioned to do regarding their children? Richard Phillips writes in The Masculine Mandate:
According to the Bible, the two main obligations of fatherhood are to nurture (work) and protect (keep). A man is called to work the hearts of his children that they might become fertile soil for the gospel and devotion to Christ. And a man is called to keep and protect his children from the influences of sin—in the world and in their own hearts—so that all the efforts to draw that young person’s heart to Christ may not be swept away.
Notice how often Phillips mentions the heart: work the hearts, protect the hearts, draw the heart to Christ. Our tendency as fathers is often to focus on outward behavior. We want our children to do what’s right, and that’s good, but it can become superficial if it never reaches the heart.
Jesus warned of this kind of surface religion when he said, “This people honors me with their lips, but their heart is far from me; in vain do they worship me” (Matthew 15:8–9). The Pharisees did all the right things outwardly—worshiping, attending feasts, keeping commandments—but their hearts were far from God.
Likewise, we can bring our children to church, teach them Scripture, and correct their behavior, yet still miss their hearts. Proverbs 23:26 says, “My son, give me your heart.” That verse reminds us that fatherhood is not merely about shaping conduct but reaching the inner person. As Proverbs 4:23 adds, “Keep your heart with all vigilance, for from it flow the springs of life.” Wherever the heart goes, the life follows.
John Flavel wrote, “If the heart is not conquered, there is nothing done.” A compliant child is not necessarily a converted child. Good behavior can be a thin veneer if the heart remains untouched by grace. The proverb doesn’t say, “My son, give me your behavior,” but “My son, give me your heart.”
If the heart isn’t changed, outward restraints will fade once a child leaves home. But if the heart is renewed by grace, “from it flow the springs of life.” Obedience becomes more than compliance; it becomes joy. Even when they live independently, a changed heart continues to walk willingly with God.
The Father’s Example
When Paul wrote to the Corinthians, he said, “I do not write these things to make you ashamed, but to admonish you as my beloved children” (1 Corinthians 4:14).
Paul’s pastoral example teaches us something vital about fatherhood. He never avoided hard truths or warnings, but his correction was always motivated by love. He didn’t rely on authority or coercion but on relationship and gentle persuasion. He lived out the very principle he taught in Ephesians 6:4—“Do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.” Paul both nurtured and protected; he worked and kept.
Rather than wielding harshness or anger, Paul combined truth and love. He made it clear how deeply he cared for those under his spiritual care. That same spirit should shape how fathers lead their homes.
Phillips writes, “Before we can convincingly plead, ‘My child, give me your heart,’ it must be evident to the child we have sincerely given our own.”
It’s easy for fathers to default to strictness without affection, to demand obedience without modeling love. We can slip into a “do as I say, not as I do“ mindset, expecting submission while neglecting to set an example. Yet parenting is not an engineering project; it’s a relationship. Heart-work goes both ways.
Proverbs 23:26 continues, “My son, give me your heart, and let your eyes observe my ways.” To win a child’s heart, we must first open our own. Phillips summarizes it well, saying, “We must begin by giving to our children what we seek to receive from them.”
Affection, Time, and Integrity in Fatherhood
To my shame, I’ve caught myself stepping in when my children are arguing—voices raised, tempers flaring—and what do I do? I walk in and shout, “Hey! That’s no way to talk to each other. We don’t yell in this house!”
Thirty seconds later, I’m thinking, Well, that was inconsistent. How can I teach them not to yell while yelling myself?
There are at least three ways we can give our hearts to our children.
1. Affection and Delight
We have the supreme example in God the Father. When Jesus was baptized, “a voice from heaven said, ‘This is my beloved Son, with whom I am well pleased’” (Matthew 3:17). The Father expressed love and delight in his Son. Earthly fathers should do the same.
Do our children know how much we love them? Do we say it? Do they know we take pleasure in them? Richard Baxter once urged parents:
Tell them oft … of the excellency of obedience … how it pleaseth God … and speak often with great affection of how much you love them. If they perceive that you dearly love them, they will obey you the more willingly, and … obey you in heart as in outward actions.
2. Time and Attention
If all our children get are our leftovers, our tired scraps of attention, they’ll grow hungry and look elsewhere. Under the curse of sin, work became harder and more demanding, so we’re constantly tempted to give more of ourselves to our jobs than to our families.
We need to resist that. Make time for your children. Be intentional with it.
3. Integrity and Repentance
Charles Spurgeon once said, “Train up a child in the way he should go, but be sure you go that way yourself.” Children see through hypocrisy. We can’t teach honesty if they hear us making excuses or telling half-truths. We can’t teach patience if we’re impatient. We can’t urge them to confess sin if they never see us confessing ours.
Let them see us pray and read Scripture. Let them hear us confess sin and seek forgiveness. As the Puritans said, God pities the children of praying, loving parents.
Fathers must examine themselves regularly. Are we showing affection? Are we giving attention? Are we living with integrity?
Phillips summarizes:
To really open up a child’s heart, a father must observe the work-and-keep model of Genesis 2:15. There must be the working—as a father nurtures and cultivates the soil of a child’s heart. And there must be the keeping—the correction that … is to be exercised in a relationship of joy and love.
Four Ways to Reach a Child’s Heart
Phillips identifies four deliberate ways fathers can reach a child’s heart, none of which happen by accident. Each requires consistency and investment.
1. Read
We saturate our homes with the word of God. The pattern was set long ago:
Hear, O Israel: The Lord our God, the Lord is one. You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your might. And these words that I command you today shall be on your heart. You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, and when you walk by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise. (Deuteronomy 6:4–7)
We should make the most of every opportunity throughout the day, in every situation, to teach our children the word of God. Sometimes that happens in family devotions, but often it comes through ordinary moments. Instead of simply saying, “Stop that,” or “Don’t do that,” we can connect our instruction to what God says in Scripture.
Paul urges, “Bring them up in the instruction of the Lord” (Ephesians 6:4). So we don’t just tell our children what to do; we show them why. “Faith comes from hearing, and hearing through the word of Christ” (Romans 10:17).
Phillips writes:
God’s Word is “living and active” (Hebrews 4:12). It gives life to believing hearts (Isaiah 55:10–11) and imparts light to the eyes and wisdom to the inner man (Psalm 19:7–9). Holy Scripture should form a regular part of our conversation, so that families are not merely reading the Bible as some kind of ritual but studying and discussing together its life-giving teaching.
This calling falls first on fathers, not mothers, not teachers, not pastors.
Practical helps:
Start early with your children.
If you didn’t start early, start now.
Make your teaching engaging and age-appropriate.
Be deliberate; saturation doesn’t happen by accident.
When you feel unqualified, remember that God gave you both the children and the command; ask him for wisdom and trust him to equip you.
2. Pray
We lead our children to the throne of grace and teach them how to speak to God. Phillips writes, “This is accomplished as parents bond with their children by praying for them and with them.” Few images are sweeter than a father praying with his children.
Fathers should establish a habit of prayer at meals, bedtime, devotions, and beyond. J. C. Ryle said, “If you train your children to anything, train them to a habit of prayer.”
Teach them the parts of prayer—adoration, confession, thanksgiving, and supplication. Let them hear you pray for them by name: “Lord, thank you for my children. Help Johnny with his test tomorrow. Lord, save Johnny. Draw him to yourself.” Let them see that nothing matters more to you than their salvation, and that salvation comes by grace alone.
Let your children also hear you pray for yourself. Confess your sins. Ask for help. Show them that their father depends on God.
Practical helps:
Recited prayers are acceptable for young children, but practice spontaneous prayer too.
Make prayer a natural response to life’s moments; if you hear an ambulance, pray together for the person in need.
Vary your prayers; don’t use the same formula every time.
Occasionally ask your children to pray for you; show them your dependence on God.
3. Work
Work with your children and let them work with you.
Recently, I assembled a standing desk for my home office. A five-minute job turned into a thirty-minute project after I invited my kids to help, but it was worth it. They experienced a little manual labor, and it became a moment of connection. It told them, Dad wants to do this with me.
Historically, fathers taught their children practical skills by working alongside them. Farmers taught farming; carpenters taught carpentry. That pattern carries wisdom. Find ways to include your children in your work and join them in theirs.
One day, as my kids were unloading the dishwasher, my son asked, “Dad, will you help us?” I didn’t really want to, but I said yes. What did they learn? That work is good, and it’s better together.
Practical helps:
Be patient; the relationship is more important than efficiency.
Affirm their contributions; encourage, don’t discourage.
Teach slowly and clearly; explain what you’re doing and why.
4. Play
We also need to play. Paul reminds us, “God … richly provides us with everything to enjoy” (1 Timothy 6:17). Proverbs 17:22 adds, “A joyful heart is good medicine, but a crushed spirit dries up the bones.”
Our children need to see a theology of joy lived out at home. All work and no play crushes the spirit. Phillips says, “We need to bind our hearts with laughter and joy in shared play, both one-on-one and as a complete family.” Fun together builds goodwill that strengthens the relationship for harder days ahead. It’s been said that rules without relationship lead to rebellion.
Children need to know that we enjoy them, not merely endure them. “Children are a heritage from the Lord … Blessed [or happy] is the man who fills his quiver with them” (Psalm 127:3, 5).
Play also teaches. Sports build teamwork and perseverance. Games teach creativity, humility, and grace in the face of loss. It even opens doors for conversation. I once struggled to connect with two teenage boys at church until we found a game that got us walking all over town together. Within half an hour, we were talking freely.
Practical helps:
Be present and attentive.
Don’t be afraid to be silly; laughter bridges hearts.
Keep the play wholesome.
Remember that joy is part of the fruit of the Spirit (Galatians 5:22); joyful fathers raise children who see Christianity as life-giving, not lifeless.
Phillips says it well: “Time is the currency with which I purchase the right to say, ‘My son, my daughter, give me your heart.’”
Aiming the Arrows of Our Children
In everything we do as fathers, Psalm 127 offers a vivid image:
Behold, children are a heritage from the Lord,
the fruit of the womb a reward.
Like arrows in the hand of a warrior
are the children of one’s youth.
Blessed is the man
who fills his quiver with them!
He shall not be put to shame
when he speaks with his enemies in the gate. (Psalm 127:3–5)
“Like arrows in the hand of a warrior—” That’s how Scripture describes our children. Each child is an arrow. A father draws the bowstring, aims, and eventually releases. One day, they will leave home, and your role as a father is to aim as carefully as possible so that, by God’s grace, the arrow hits its mark.
None of us will have perfect aim. Over the years, there will be setbacks, missteps, and course corrections. But with God’s help, we keep adjusting our aim.
And what is the target? The apostle John says, “I have no greater joy than to hear that my children are walking in the truth” (3 John 4).
Our goal is not merely to raise polite, moral, or successful adults. Those things are good, but they are not the ultimate aim. Our greatest joy is to see our children walking in truth, loving Christ, and following him.
Guiding Their Hearts to Christ
Richard Phillips writes, “The ultimate reason we desire our children to give us their hearts is so that we can guide hearts to Jesus.”
In our reading, praying, working, and playing, our constant goal is to point our children to the gospel. We want them to see Christ in the Scriptures we read, in the prayers we offer, and in the way we live before them. We want them to see Christ in us.
God says, “For the promise is for you and for your children and for all who are far off, everyone whom the Lord our God calls to himself” (Acts 2:39). And again, “Faith comes from hearing, and hearing through the word of Christ” (Romans 10:17). Fathers are meant to be the primary instrument through which their children hear that word.
All believers are called to “make disciples,” and our first field of discipleship is our own home (Matthew 28:19). Our children are our mission field.
So, fathers, let us work and keep our gardens. May God grant that through our efforts, our children “will not walk in darkness, but will have the light of life” (John 8:12). And one day, may we hear them say, “Dad, thank you for showing me Jesus.”
